Gay for XXX

It was after noon when Andy started to stir. The nurse had chucked Bill and Jake out of the room at about 8 am and told them to go home and get some sleep. Jake refused and instead settled himself in front of Andy’’s door, sitting next to the uniform Chris had arranged to keep watch over Andy’’s room. Bill had gone home to catch some sleep but was due back in an hour to bring Jake a change of clothes and look in on them. When Jake saw the nurse come out of the room and page the doctor Jake knew something was up and decided to slip into the room. He saw Andy trying to settle himself on the bed and headed over to help him.

”Hey, buddy. How’’s it going?”

Andy’’s head shot up and he looked startled. He visibly relaxed when he saw that it was Jake staring down at him. Without answering his question, Andy whispered, ”Water.” Before he could even take a breath after uttering the word Jake was at his side with a plastic cup filled with lukewarm water. He held it so that Andy could sip gingerly, but Andy gulped it down and choked on it. Jake held back the glass and helped Andy forward. When Andy could speak again he said, ”Where am I?”

”At the hospital. Remember why I brought you here?”

Andy shook his head.

”You were at my house, remember?”

It took Andy a moment to remember and Jake saw the realization set in his eyes and felt Andy’’s body tense. Just then the doctor came in to the room and Andy jumped at the sound of the slamming door. It was a different doctor than before, and if he noticed Andy’’s fright at his entry he didn”t show it. He didn”t greet Jake, but went directly over to Andy. The doctor was examining Andy’’s pupils and vital signs when he said, ”You”re family of the patient?”

”No, but I”m as close to family as he’’s got.”

”If you”re not family then you can”t be in here.” He turned to the monitor to call for the nurse and asked for her to bring a dose of painkillers.

”Doctor Reilly said it was okay if I stick around seeing I brought him in and all.”

”Do you see Dr. Reilly anywhere, sir? He isn”t here and this is my shift, and I”m telling you if you”re not blood you”re gone.”

”What’’s the problem here?”

The doctor studied Jake for a moment before resting his eyes on Andy, then said, ”I”m sick of wasting my time and resources. I”m sick of people like him come crying when he only got what he asked for, and then playing the victim all night long when he”d received nothing less than what he”d been begging for all along.”

Jake was staring open-mouthed at the doctor. Somewhere during his outburst the door had opened and Chris had stopped dead in his tracks at hearing the doctor’’s words. Jake looked down at Andy’’s silent face and saw a lone tear tracing its way down his cheek and flow in to his hairline. In a second Chris was by the doctor’’s side, yanking him from the room.

”What- Who are you? Let go of me!” The doctor’’s protests were heard by anyone in a fifty foot radius of them.

When they reached the outside Chris threw the doctor on to the row of waiting chairs and watched satisfactorily as he landed with a thud, the chairs giving way under him and saw the doctor settle on his ass on the hard floor.

The doctor got up and yelled in the detective’’s face, ”Who the hell do you think you are?” He motioned with his hand at the uniform standing stone-faced at the door, ”Arrest him! He assaulted me, arrest him now!”

”Shut the fuck up you ignorant man!” The vehemence in Chris” voice made the doctor back away. ”How the fuck could you have said those things in there? And in front of your patient!” Chris lowered his voice then continued, ”Do you realize that he was gang raped not twelve hours ago? What if it had been a girl? She”d have been the victim but because he’’s a boy it’’s something less?” Chris was yelling again. ”How dare you say something like that?!” Chris moved in for a hit but felt a hand on his arm. He saw the infuriated face of Jake then heard him say;

”Leave it, Chris. The jerk’’s not worth it.” Jake then turned all the poison and aggression on the man standing ashen faced before them, ”You do realize the intercom was still on when you made your little speech, and that the whole nurses station heard you bad mouth your patient, TO HIS FACE!” Jake yelled the last part. ”And do you, Doctor, realize that I have the Chief of Staff and his life-partner over at my house for dinner at least twice a month?” Jake took a perverse pleasure out of the paling of the doctor’’s face. ”Chew on that as you”re clearing out your office this afternoon.” Jake spun around and headed back in to the room, where Andy was crying his heart out.

By the time Chris entered the room, Jake was holding Andy’’s shaking shoulders to his chest, whispering endearments to him. Seeing the scene before him Chris hated the fact that he had to interrupt them. Clearing his throat, he said, ”Jake, can I have a word?” Chris saw Jake’’s hesitance to leave Andy’’s side, but he communicated his urgency to Jake by a nod to the door.

Reluctantly Jake got up from his spot next to Andy but not before promising he wouldn”t be long. He then followed Chris through the door.

”What’’s so important it couldn”t wait, Chris? And how”d you know Andy was awake?”

”Before I left earlier I told the head nurse to phone me the second Andy was conscious. This brings me to my reason for being here, well one anyway.” Chris saw the question in Jake’’s eyes and the urgency in his posture to get back to Andy and quickly continued, ”I need to speak with him, Jake. See what he knows, what he can remember.”

Jake blew out a long breath before saying, ”Jesus, Chris, can”t it wait? You know I want these sick fucks caught just as much as you, but he’’s in a real bad way.”

”I realize that, and I wouldn”t be pushing it if I didn”t think it crucial I speak with him soon. I have to get him to open up while the events are still fresh in his mind, before he starts to suppress certain details and forget something important.”

Jake considered this for a moment, and then said, ”Can I be present?”

”Of course.” As Chris watched Jake’’s slumped back make its way back in the room, he wondered what had ever made him decide to become a policeman in the first place.

Chris waited a few seconds before following Jake back in to the room. Jake was perched on the bed at Andy’’s side, right where he had been before Chris had called him out earlier.

”…and he’’s here to help you. He just wants to talk some but you don”t have to talk about anything you don”t want to, alright?”

Andy seemed hesitant and said,

”I”m tired. I just want to go to sleep.”

”I know, sport, soon, yea? But will you try at least, for me?”

Jake sounded so different to Andy, so…fatherly. It was a good feeling. Andy nodded his head sleepily and looked over at Chris. He tried to smile but imagined it came more across as a grimace. ”Hi,” Andy squeaked.

”How’’s it going, Andrew?” Chris sounded soft, gentle. It was a contradiction to his huge frame, and the manner in which Andy had seen him earlier when he threw the doctor out of the room for telling nothing but the truth. But staring in to his soft grey eyes, Andy decided he liked him. Giving a half-hearted shrug, Andy looked down at his hand in his lap. Chris dragged a chair closer and settled himself on the other side of the bed opposite Jake.

”I”m detective Christopher Moyles, but all my friends call me Chris.” Chris paused and tried to make eye contact with Andy. Failing to do, he continued. ”And since I”m a friend of Bill and Jake’’s, I guess that makes us friends by association, doesn”t it?” Chris knew it was lame, but he was struggling to establish any connection with Andy at all. He decided to dive right in. ”So you wanna talk about what happened last night? It might help some.”

Andy looked up then, as if startled by his words. ”Who says I”m allowed to feel any better? I just got what I deserved, what I was asking for all along.”

Jake mirrored the surprise on Chris” face, and it took him a few seconds to say, ”Andy, no! Don”t ever believe that! That isn”t the truth. Nobody could have asked to be treated the way you were. Not ever! Don”t believe it!”

Andy looked down at his hand again, and when he looked up his eyes were dead.

”Doesn”t matter now anyway. I know what I am, what I”ve become.” Andy’’s voice sounded as dead as the look in his eyes. ”I”m really tired, I wanna sleep now. Can we do this maybe later?” Andy sounded pleading. He could not meet their eyes.

Chris gave a resigned sigh and got up from his chair. Jake said then, ”Sure. Get some rest. Everything will seem much clearer once you have a good sleep behind you.”

Andy turned his head away from Jake, and was too tired to tell him he”ll never experience another peaceful night’’s sleep in his life.

”It is just like all the others. They were all self-loathing and blaming themselves for what happened. They all ended up protecting the identities of their rapists.” Chris sounded frustrated. He was pacing up and down the hall in front of Andy’’s room while Jake sat slumped in a chair looking weary.

”Fuck those goddamn animals to hell! Every last one of them.” Jake sounded tired yet there was a distinct edge to his voice. ”Hey Chris? What can we do to show Andy this wasn”t his fault? To make him stop blaming himself?” Jake sounded desperate.

”Just support him and be there for him. And get him to a good shrink, ASAP. God,” Chris said, sounding disgusted, ”I don”t know what it is they say or do to these kids to make them turn things around in their heads and actually believe that they deserved the kind of crap they put them through.”

Jake was saved from answering by familiar sounding footsteps resounding down the hall. Jake was relieved beyond words to see his husband walking towards them. As Bill approached looking clean shaven but tired round the eyes, he headed straight over to Jake and enveloped him right in his open arms.

”Hey, Chris, how’’s it going? What are you doing here?”

Bill felt Jake talk against his chest and released him enough so he could raise his head and say, ”Andy woke up. We talked to him and he blames himself, Bill. For everything, says he got what he deserved.”

”That’’s ridiculous!

”That’’s what he said,” Chris motioned over to Jake, ”but the kid’’s messed up real bad, and not just on a physical level. It would probably be best to get him to talk to somebody who can help him deal. A professional.”

Bill nodded then said, ”In time. Right now he needs familiar faces around him. People who he trusts.”

Jake nodded his head. ”You”re right. We”ll get him all the help he needs, but right now we”re all he can handle.”

”I”ll want to try and talk to him again,” Chris sounded determined. Jake and Bill nodded their heads. Just then another doctor exited Andy’’s room and was walking over to them. Bill felt Jake’’s body tense up and hugged him reassuringly. The doctor started to speak.

”Hi there, I”m Dr. James Sweeny. Our patient is doing much better physically. The superficial wounds will heal fine. The anal tears will take a while to heal fully though, but luckily there’’s nothing permanent. Except,” the doctor looked over to Chris, ”Detective, the burn on Mr Martin’’s left breast, we cleaned and dressed it last night and when I had a look at it just now, well it’’s a marking of sorts…”

”A circle with the letters PAH in the middle?”

The doctor looked surprised, then nodded at Chris.

”Yes, exactly. You know what it means?”

Chris sighed before he said, ”All their victims had the same mark. Like a type of branding. We”re not exactly sure but we think the PAH stand for Property of Alan Haynes.”

Bill held on to Jake as a fit of dry retches racked his body. The doctor’’s face lost its professional makeup and a look of disgust clouded his features. After a moment doctor Sweeny said, ”I”d like to keep him here a while longer, to ward off any more infection. In the mean time I can get someone from our counseling department to come and talk to Mr Martin. He will need to see a therapist for a long time to come. I can recommend a personal acquaintance who’’s had years of experience with male rape cases if you”d like.”

”Thank you, doctor,” Jake sounded out of breath, ”that would really help. If it’’s at all possible we”d like to take Andy back to our home as soon as possible to help him recuperate fully. When will be the soonest you”d be able to discharge him?”

The doctor looked hesitantly at the men before him. ”I think another week or so.”

”Doctor, I will be able to look after him at our home just as well as he”d be looked after here. I”ll even take off from work until Andy’’s well enough.”

”Surely nothing more could be done for him here than at our home, doctor?” Bill said. The doctor seemed to consider this.

”Alright, then. He’’s a lucky man to have people who care so much about him.”

”We love him doctor. And we”ll do everything in out power to protect and care for him.”

Doctor Sweeny nodded and smiled. His facial expression turned serious as he said, ”I”ve already apologized to Mr Martin when he woke up for a moment as I was examining him, but I don”t think he was able to fully take it in at the time. I”d like to apologize to you for my colleague’’s outburst earlier. It is absolutely unacceptable for him to let his personal convictions carry over to his work.”

”Damn right,” Chris said hotly.

”I assure you appropriate action will be taken against Dr Pryce.”

”Thank you, Dr Sweeny. We appreciate it,” said Jake.

”I”d just like to run a few more tests before I”d feel comfortable releasing Mr Martin, then I”ll get the paperwork ready. Won”t be long.”

”That’’s fine, doctor. Thank you for everything.”

Doctor Sweeny looked over at Bill and nodded his head. ”You”re welcome.

Bill looked at Andy’’s room door longingly then said, ”Can we see him for a moment?”

”Of course,” said Dr. Sweeny.

Jake stayed outside discussing the medical aspects of Andy’’s care with Dr Sweeny for a few moments before joining Bill and Chris in the room. As he entered, the scene before him made him fall in love with his husband all over again.

Andy was sleeping uneasily when Bill and Chris entered the room. Andy seemed to sense their presence as he stirred groggily.

”Jake?” Andy croaked.

”He’’s just outside, buddy. It’’s alright, I”m here.” Bill’’s soothing voice crept in to Andy’’s consciousness and both men could see the relaxing sag of Andy’’s shoulders.

”It hurts.”

”I know sport, but it will get better, I promise.”

”Safe?” Andy asked just as Jake entered the room.

”You”re safe now, love. Sleep well.” Bill turned his face from Andy and locked eyes with Jake, the love in his spouse’’s eyes taking his breath away.

Jake and Bill were pushing a groggy Andy down the hall to the elevator on their way to checking him out. As they reached the door to the elevator Dr Sweeny intercepted them.

”Dr Sweeny,” Bill sounded pleased to see the doctor. ”All’’s well, I hope?”

”As good as can be expected. I”m happy with the test results and scans I”ve run.”

”That’’s great, doctor,” said Jake. Andy was sitting stone faced in the chair, still heavily drugged.

”I imagine you will take over as his physician, Dr Crowe?”

”That’’s right doctor. I”ll contact you should I require your assistance or opinion in any matter.”

”Good. Take care of him, and keep in touch.”

”Will do, Doc,” Bill said as they entered the elevator.

Back home Bill had carried Andy upstairs to the guest bedroom while Jake ran a hot shower for him. Jake reasoned a shower would be more comfortable for Andy than a bath would at that moment. After helping Andy take a quick shower Bill helped Jake dress him in an oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants. Andy was out like a candle as Bill deposited him in the middle of the double bed. Jake said a silent prayer for Andy as he looked back in the room before closing the door.

Bill and Jake were awakened three times that evening by Andy yelling through nightmares. After the third time Jake decided to do a makeshift bed for himself on the floor next to Andy, and kept the bedside lamp on.

Then next morning Jake saw Bill off to work and went to check on Andy again. Andy slept till noon before he stirred. Feeling dazed and confused he thought for a moment he was back in the cabin and felt Alan’’s presence as sure as if he was there. A blood-curdling scream sent Jake running up the stairs and bursting in to the room to find a sobbing Andy tangled up in the sheets.

”No! Oh god, please!”

”Ssh, Andy. Ssh. Look at me, Andrew. Focus!” The command in Jake’’s voice broke through to Andy and he focused on Jake’’s eyes, only then noticing him.

”Where am I?”

”You”re in my home, safe. You were discharged last night and Bill and I brought you over to care for you.”

Andy seemed to digest the information before tears glistened in his eyes.

”Jake, you”ve got to believe me. I didn”t want to, don”t believe what they say. I never wanted it, please say you believe me.” Andy was on the verge of hysteria, sobbing uncontrollably.

Jake cradled him in his arms and whispered soothing endearments to him.

”I know, Andy. We all know. You didn”t do anything wrong.”

After Andy had calmed a bit Jake helped him in to the guest bathroom. As he turned to leave the room and start lunch he was stopped short by hearing soft whimpers coming from behind the door. Jake knocked softly and asked if everything was alright.

”It hurts so much, Jake.”

”I know, honey, but it”ll get better soon, you”ll see.”

After Andy”d finished his business Jake took him downstairs and settled him in to a chair in the garden while he prepared butternut soup for lunch. Setting the bowls on the patio table Jake was pleased to see some color had crept back in Andy’’s cheeks.

”Bill will be home soon. I thought we could watch a DVD or something, we”ve got surround sound you know.”

”Mmm, that sounds nice.”

Jake found it hard to start conversation with Andy; he could see the young man was a thousand miles away. Jake tried to make his voice sound as gentle as he could before he said, ”You wanna talk about it, Andy?”

Andy’’s head whipped up from his bowl, the spoon stopping halfway to his mouth. Jake could see different emotions flickering across Andy’’s face, shame, gilt, a deep sadness. Andy’’s only reply was a very small shake of his head. Jake almost missed the gesture.

”Are we liking the soup?”

Andy nodded slowly and offered a small smile. Jake knew it would be a while, but the Andy they once knew would return to them some day. He had to believe that with every fiber of his being.

That evening after dinner and the movie all three men were sitting in the living room drinking steaming mugs of hot chocolate. Andy had come out of his shell a little more and smiled a genuine smile as Bill got up and scooped Jake up by the hips and flung him over his shoulder. He was swatting Jake’’s butt playfully for teasing him about his choice of movie. Bill then dropped Jake gently on the couch and cradled him in his arm, sipping sweetly from Jake’’s cup of hot chocolate as his was finished already.

”I was so scared. I”ve never been that scared in my life. Not even after Mrs. Anderson died and I was left all alone again,” Andy blurted out in a conversational tone.

But Jake could see the underlying sadness in Andy’’s eyes. He nodded encouragingly at Andy and returned the pressure Bill’’s arm was giving around his waist.

”I kept on thinking whether they were going to kill me afterward, if, if…” Andy swallowed past the lump in his throat and took a sip of his chocolate.

”We know who it is that’’s done this to you, Andy,” Bill said.

Andy looked him dead in the eye, the panic in his body evident to both Bill and Jake.

”How,” Andy croaked.

”You”re not the first of their victims, love. There have been others before you,” Jake said.